Wow I just read Midlife for Dummies and thought I was looking at my wife for the last 2 years.  I met my wife 11 years ago.  She's from Mexico.  Through the realtionship I did everything for her, got her accustomed to our culture, even put her through school until she got a Psych degree.
 
When times got tough she did exactly what was in the manual for dummies.  Sex completely stopped 6 months ago and she portrayed all the signs of an affair and even hid her cellphone from me.  She would frequently go to mexico to "visit her mom" and be cold when she got back.  To make a long story short I caught her in the affair, found emails and texts, and she seemed devasted and sex actually picked up again.
 
We went to a counselor and she lied to the counselor about things in our marriage and even lied to him saying this guy she was seeing is single.  He's actually married and has a kid and their plan was to divorce their spouses to start a new life.
 
Anyways she moved out a week ago and went to Mexico to live with her Mom, the same place she had the affair.  She said she doesn't want to see this guy, but the deceipt has been so deep that my intuition says she is pursuing this relationship.  I guess this is where I cut off all contact and move forward with my life without her in my future plans.  She says she can't focus on our marriage right now because she has to find a job and focus on her career. Is this the best step for me to take?  Do I take her calls or can trust her again?
 
I wasn't ready for the nauseating pain to hit me when she left.  I keep obsessing on what she's doing or if she's having sex with this guy or why doesnt she call.  I think she's moved on.  I don't want to be the one to call her or chase her, I mean SHE should be the one fighting to get me back not the other way around right?
 
Do these women ever wake up and realize "hey I really made a huge mistake and blew it with my husband".  Is this relationship with this other guy going to be the one she was looking for?  It all doesn't make sense to me.  Do these wives ever come back?
 
bleeding internally,
 
mdl

I'm from California.  She's from Mexico.  Our whole relationship was me giving and her taking.  I don't ever remember going to her for something I needed.  In fact I don't remember her ever in 11 years giving me a card or email saying she appreciates me as a husband and loves me.  When the economy took a downturn, we had to downgrade our lifestyle and she seemed upset.  It seemed like she resented me for some financial troubles which killed me.  We don't have kids thank God, I've aleady done a legal seperation. 

She says she's not looking for a relationship and just wants get a job and sort out her life.  But the fact she moved to Mexico where that guy is, and all the lies she's told me over the last year makes it hard to believe she's not pursuing him. 

I don't think I even would take her back but I sometimes want for her to want to come back.  I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my head around the affair.  Do these women ever look back and realize what a huge mistake they made?  Will she really find happiness with this guy?  I mean this guy is leaving his wife and kid to be with her and she's leaving me to be with him.  How can a relationship founded on lies and deceipt survive?  I was nothing but a loving husband to her, perfect? no, but loving and compassionate.

How can people live with themselves after doing this to their marriage?

Wow I just read Midlife for Dummies and thought I was looking at my wife for the last 2 years.  I met my wife 11 years ago.  She's from Mexico.  Through the realtionship I did everything for her, got her accustomed to our culture, even put her through school until she got a Psych degree.
 
When times got tough she did exactly what was in the manual for dummies.  Sex completely stopped 6 months ago and she portrayed all the signs of an affair and even hid her cellphone from me.  She would frequently go to mexico to "visit her mom" and be cold when she got back.  To make a long story short I caught her in the affair, found emails and texts, and she seemed devasted and sex actually picked up again.
 
We went to a counselor and she lied to the counselor about things in our marriage and even lied to him saying this guy she was seeing is single.  He's actually married and has a kid and their plan was to divorce their spouses to start a new life.
 
Anyways she moved out a week ago and went to Mexico to live with her Mom, the same place she had the affair.  She said she doesn't want to see this guy, but the deceipt has been so deep that my intuition says she is pursuing this relationship.  I guess this is where I cut off all contact and move forward with my life without her in my future plans.  She says she can't focus on our marriage right now because she has to find a job and focus on her career. Is this the best step for me to take?  Do I take her calls or can trust her again?
 
I wasn't ready for the nauseating pain to hit me when she left.  I keep obsessing on what she's doing or if she's having sex with this guy or why doesnt she call.  I think she's moved on.  I don't want to be the one to call her or chase her, I mean SHE should be the one fighting to get me back not the other way around right?
 
Do these women ever wake up and realize "hey I really made a huge mistake and blew it with my husband".  Is this relationship with this other guy going to be the one she was looking for?  It all doesn't make sense to me.  Do these wives ever come back?
 
bleeding internally,
 
mdl