Ian, 
First get control of the bank accounts. Or at least get control of enough to pay your bills
and survive. Give her nothing.

Detach completely. You can not influence her behavior, so don't try. If you read every post by a husband whose wife is in "Oz" you will know that. It is the hardest thing to do. 
I had to do it, and once I did, and accepted that I could not do anything to bring her home, life did get easier. Concentrate on you son, at 7 he needs you.

She wants to be on her own, then let her, but don't enable her, don't trust her, don't make it easy on her.... get away.
I know you love her and you want to help, but I have been where you are and as soon as I realized these things, I was no longer helpless, I had a plan and began to implement it.
Shepherdess helped with all this, read my thread and you'll see what you have to do. Also check out BasilDuke"s thread, he has really been through the wringer but is fighting the good fight.

If you are trusting her to pay some of your expenses...don't. Get control of what are yours even if canceling your phone and getting a new contract. 

The person you knew is gone, she may come back, but she has to on her own.

Keep coming here, we are all ready to help

MLBhome

I for the most part is enjoying my week in fla with her family and the kids
we eat too much, and drink alot, and go too the beach and pool

I am staying detached and just watching as things develop.

Plus I'm listening to my daughter laugh hanging with her cousins, she really needs it

Another development is she has been in contact with one of her friends from her old job that om is still at
she was meeting this friend today for drinks and told me that she contacted this friend 2 weeks ago and had lunch. The significance is that this friend dumped the wife as a friend last July over the wides relationship with om
Basil this is one of 2 spies I have at om's job. I sent u a picture of the other one.

This friend hates the om, and that opinion has not changed so it's interesting to me that wife would call her and try to repair their relatiiomship

so morebaby steps

I realize this didn't start overnight and thus will not end that way
if we are to believe her that she has not had contact with om, goes to the counseling appt and makes another, has been out of apt for a week
would that be progress?? As thin as it is??

I spoke with her yesterday and we are trying to make conversation, but it is difficult, as ithink both of us are afraid to commit right now , at least I am. Hard to walk the line of trying to re establish communication and remain detached.

As to how many times to forgive?? I don't know. To this point she has done what she has been asked. Her mom asked if she has had any contact with OM and wife said she has not, and that it has been very hard, but she has not.

She was invited to a friend from new job and went there for awhile and had a good time, and that it was quiet.

She had called her mom earlier today and they had a good conversation, and was rational, a complete 180 from monday night. 

She called this evening to wish me and the kids a happy thanksgiving  and chatted for a bit. She was back to the hotel and was tired, she said she has been very tired.

so that's it from here, and Magdalene, I'm just going day by day.

MLBHOME

Magdalene,

I have told her of what I have found here but this was long ago and even then I'm sure she didn't hear.

To me I view this as my therapy . I had been to the therapist  when this started before I hooked up here and clearly this person was out of her league.

I would love to get W with Shep, as I think it would do her a world of good on many fronts

I did send her just what you said, It will pass, It will pass

MLBHOME

Checked on W this morning and son did last night.

The owner of the place she works had a "Mexican" Thanksgiving and the cantina in their office after work yesterday. She told son and (me) that she had a good, fun time, that the people were fun, and she had a good time. ( and this happened w/o OM and his dirtbag friends as this was employees only). She said the people were so much "good" fun, no falling down HS antics like the other job.

She told son that she was beat, and was getting to bed. She told him she is still no contact (he asked) and since doing that she has been so tired and trying to go to bed early. She asked how everyone was, and how the trip was going.

I asked her this morning how she was doing, and she replied "I'm doing, getting along, just doing." I tried to give her the pep talk, told her about detaching, and some of the things that I have been doing to detach from her. She said thanks, she is working on it.

Couple of chit chat texts.....and she was getting busy at work.

So I did contact her friend in from Angola, and she has been keeping in touch with her daily, and will continue to do so. Son's GF has been chking on her too.

So that's it from here...........worlds greatest day tomorrow, FOOD, DRINK and FOOTBALL!!

Hey Jack,

Were on the roller coaster but she has made a counseling appt, and is responding to my texts. I think we may be afraid to speak verbally on the phone maybe at this point it's better that way for now.

Jack I did not realize that your W firm was in trouble. I but that's not helping the MLC.

I hope things are stabilizing for you, stick to your guns my friend. 

And what was the name of that beer you have at the pub??  As Shep says these situations change hour to hour, so anything can happen...I can attest to that. The family cocktail hour is 3.5 hours off, but it's pouring down rain, so I think my BIL and I will be starting early, and as always I have one for you and Basil.

MLBHOME

At the beginning of the call she told her mother that yesterday morning she could barely get out of bed, didn't want to eat, could n't focus at work, in the evening crying...
and yes classic withdrawal.

Uncles are in Houston and the call went out saturday for them to call and touch base with and visit if possible. Her friend from Angola is calling and texting her daily checking on her.

The tough love is in full force as she wanted to modify the deal and she got a firm no..
that she needs to do what she agreed to.
 
I sent her a text saying that this is part of letting go, I said if you have to communicate with him, contact anyone else ( I put out a list of 12 people family she can call)
I told her I'm here 24/7 provided she sticks to the deal. I used the example of when she left me about this is what you will feel, you can't give in, you can't contact him, call us
and so on.

I told her I had the kids to help me, I said them speak to them but you can not break or renegotiate the deal.

My sons girlfriend is going to meet her for dinner to night or tomorrow night, and will stay in contact with her.

If she can just get thru these next few days....... Basil and nomad...your 100% right,
she 's on the verge of a break down...he went and played golf Sunday my spy tells me.

My wife's Godfather lived in Chicago, and was quite wealthy, and doted on her. He passed from cancer during the first time she left, and due to the situation she did not go to the funeral. he was quite connected in Chicago, with the good guys and the bad guys, and when I was going to school in Chicago (Med school) he had "friends" visit and keep an eye on me, help me out with whatever I needed.

I sure would have made a phone call a long time ago, but I'm sure my FIL would have beat me to it. 

A true POS

MIL, me and kids compared phone call notes and my son and MIL feel she was sitting in hotel room, bruding and p/u the phone to let us know and to make us a miserable feeling as she is.

We all heard the MLC buzz words, the threats, and so on. My MIL said hat when she spoke to her W said "I was sitting here miserable and thought why am I here, it just makes them happy not me"...and she called. So I think she wanted to make us as miserable as she is.

And of course in the beginning I took off on her, but then reined it in and spoke to her detached.

So said we had to expect this, and I had said Shep said there would be times like this, 

so I'm going to chk later to see if she did make counseling appt.

In texting me this morning she seemed more rational again....I think.

MLBHOME