I believe I'm in a MLC and want help on what to do!
I just found this forum today. I"m finding it very interesting reading the logs because I can truly relate. I'm 45 years old, been married for 20 years with 3 children. I've felt so lonely and empty for some time now and havn't been able to put my finger on it. I want to want what made me happy in the past (being continet with family life) but it seems I want more. Once I read some of the triggers for this kind of thing I could truly relate. Three years ago I found out my husband was having an affair. It was a terrible time for me. At that time I found out he had many other affairs and one night stands. We were seperated for a very short time. We reconciled and he has changed immensely and become the husband I always wanted, even to this day he is fantastic. The problem is I don't feel that I want him/marriage. Yet I don't want to ruin the life we have as a family and I would want this life with someone else one day.......the relationship we have, our time together is great. I just don't feel that I want it with HIM. I drive myself crazy on a daily basis playing this "role" but not doing anything about it. I have had two affairs in the last three years. They were short lived and mostly emotional. They did not bring me happines since they truly couldnt' offer me what my husband does, but I want to want my husband, I just don't. HELP !
64gal:
From your brief story it sounds to me like you are still trying to let go and forgive your husband for his affairs. You may be going through an MLC but the fact that your husband had affairs is only one trigger that I can glean out of your post above. An MLC is not necessarily about the marriage/relationship it is really about the person who is going through it....the fact that they are dealing with unresolved issues, along with life changes that happen involuntarily because it is just life (death, illness, children growing up and leaving the nest, moves, job changes)
Can you give us a bit more information about yourself and your life in the past 8-10 years? Are you in perio-menopause or menopause? Have you had a thorough health check-up lately?
From what you have told us...I do believe you and your husband need counseling or help with healing the hurt and pain that was thrust on you through his affairs...which probably gave you permission to have your own. I believe Mort Fertel works with this, as does Dr. Huizenga's program...click the links and see if either of these programs might help you at home. (Scroll down on the sidebar)
Keep reading and coming here for help and discussion.
Shepherdess
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