VERY FRUSTRATED
I know that my W didn't break the contact with the OM after I found out she was having an EA, confronted her and set my rules, If this continues we're done, of course after that she says there's no contact, but a few days later I found out she was not loosing contact, I don't have evidence of the conversations but I know she added him in a separate new account and I found out, at this point I don't say nothing because my pastor told me "don't confront her you will push her over the edge if you do" so at this poit she told me she want's the divorce, she she is still in the house for some more weeks or maybe months but knowing that she didn't cut ties between her and the OM makes it hard for me because I never confronted her the second time so i don't know what to do at this point, this is like torture because she may be a cake eater and we are still in the same house, I feel like getting more evidence and confront her but what do I tell her?, she already said she wants to divorce, I feel like teling her she needs to find another place because although we are not divorced yet she is still in the house and should respect that fact.
Thanks
While she is living in your house and not divorced she will act accordingly. NO OM's...or contact while she in the house. If she can't follow this one rule then she has to figure out a way to leave faster or earlier. Don't tolerate her disrespect. The Pastor was wrong...you should have told her you knew that she was still betraying you. If you need evidence to shove in her face ..get it...since she wants a divorce anyways...just let her know that she hasn't ended her affair and she needn't lie to you about it any more...You know that she is still in contact and she won't be doing it under YOUR roof.
Set boundaries and deal breakers while she is still living there.
Shepherdess
PS Please keep your posts all on the same thread it makes it easier for us to go back and refresh our memories about you story.
Respect is the key word here.
my wfe could not, more like would not break off the OM relationship and I told her to leave. She came back swore she would break it off, did not, and I told her to leave.
You can't have 2 roosters in the hen house. Shep calls it cake eating, and she's right.
Give her a list of hotels in the area, and hold the door open for her.
MLB
Yup...that is exactly what I call it...Cake eating....having your cake and eating it too...and women who do this while still living in the martial home are always standing on a doormat. If she is choosing to eat her cake then she MUST eat cake somewhere else...NOT in your home OR in front of your children (No matter their age).
Shepherdess
in the beginning I didn't know what I was dealing with so I made mistakes, one was to apologize for being nosy, I even cried thinking I was going to lose her, however something in the back of my mind said, wait, she may be hurt or disenchanted with you but she pretty much got romantic with another guy online, she should be apologizing first, I guess that is what was driving me crazy, she was using my emotional state as leverage and to keep me thinking I was a paranoid and jealous husband hurting her even more.
Now I understand,
thanks
Fred1,
I have to agree with Shep and disagree with your pastor - telling a person NO when they are doing something harmful - doesn't push them away..............it warns them, but it puts the decision on their shoulders and they will have to pay the consequences for their actions.
Her world is off balance, she is trying to get you sucked into her tornado - so that your world is where hers is..................in part because she is blaming you and in part because misery loves company.
Ask your Pastor if when Jesus chased the money changers out of the Temple - if everyone left and no one came back? I think the story of the adulteress applies more to your situation and I believe Jesus said "go and sin no more"..........................not "have fun".
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