Feels god to have control of yourself again.

Okay. Sounds like you're doing well. But brace yourself for the second storm surge, because this is only getting started.

What are your boundaries with her? I ask, because once she leaves, she's going to have sex with another man - probably the scum she's chatting up on line. Are you prepared to tolerate your wife fornicating with another man? If you're not, you need to make sure she understands that. That was one of my central mistakes: tolerating my wife's adultery for a couple of months before I was able to get my head out of my butt and go to war. I should have filed for divorce IMMEDIATELY. Might - probably WOULD have, actually - still have wound up divorced, but it would have taken her power away from her far more quickly.

Get a lawyer, and protect your money. Take out half of any account you share with her and put the funds in an entirely different bank, under your name only. Do that as fast as possible - as in today.

Detach from her; don't share your plans or strategy with her, and don't ask her what she's feeling or if she's coming back. Accept for now that she's gone, and assume it's forever.

Get to a doctor, and have him/her prescribe anti-anxiety meds for you. They helped me immeasureably.

Vent to a couple of close friends. Keep posting here. God's strength to you!

Basil Duke

Thanks Basil, I guess what's helping me at this point is that I have decided that if she goes out the door, she is not coming back, I will not tolerate any of the stuff she may or may not do after she leaves, I've put up with it two months and I will not wait years for her, I know she is confused and in denial so I leave it out to God, if she return I am available and God changes my heart,oh well , but I made a decision too and for me it is more healthy that way, the work ahead for my children is far more important to me, don't get me wrong I love her to death but I think that even in her denial and confusion, I need to be a grown up and set priorities, I offered her many times to work it out here, as a family but soon enough I knew she had planed this long ago and the yellow road seems more attractive to her, I can't control her all I an do is pray for her and wish she doesn't get hurt, A

I am glad to hear that our detaching strategies have helped you get through this first part of the storm. 

Basil has some points.  Get to the lawyer and find out your legal rights as far as possessions, bank accounts and your home, children and custody.  Do NOTHING until you know you can legally do it in your state.  If you step out of line legally it will be used against you by her lawyer.  DO NOT leave the martial home no matter how hard she tries to get you to leave.  

Going to the doctor is a good idea.  Make sure you are eating well and exercising.  Antidepressants are okay...but before you go that far...ask for sleep medication so you are able to get a good nights rest. If you are still feeling depressed then add in the antidepressants.

Keep posting here...vent here, so the people that you are around do not get emotionally tired over the situation.  Keep as much of this away form your children as possible...do not lean on them...they need to be able to lean on you.  If they think you are fragile they won't come to you and burden you with their hurt and pain.  

I am proud of your being able to take the upper hand...the more you dothis the more control and strength you will feel.

Shepherdess

Thanks Sehepherdess,

I've noticed something too, seems like the Mlc'er gets a thrill everytime she gives you the impression that she's serious about leaving, my wife says she wants divorce  and she is already planing and let's you know about it, then next time I see her seems like she doesn't look me in the eye plus you get that typical half smile like when a child has done something to you and doesn't want to tell, I don't know if I am paranoid but that's how I feel it,

It seems like they are on a plan to slice everybody's throat bun in a systematical manner,

Don't know if this make sense but thanks to all.

It absolutely does make sense:  if your gut is telling you something then your gut is right. Pay attention to what you are sensing...believe what she is saying...if she says she is making a plan to leave... she's more than likely is doing just that...you need to be very careful and get legal representation and make sure you are prepared for anything she is going to throw at you.

There is a method to the madness BUT they really don't see or understand what they are doing. PLEASE, PLEASE don't make this sound like it is intentional acts made by a person who has their common sense about them.  Women in MLC are dealing with several crisis's all at once ...they may have physical, mental and spiritual problems that they are dealing with all at one time.  I know that it is ALL wrong but many of the men make it sound like it is so intentional...planned sabotage of the family ...IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT!

The woman in MLC is NOT THINKING at all!! They are only going with their emotions/feelings...moment to moment...they can't think or act past a few hours or days. THEIR COPING SKILLS are broken..they are not coping at all.  The reason why they are doing what they are doing in buried deep inside their past or childhood ...they are escaping or trying to prove a point.

Shepherdess

Thanks for the explanation Sepherdess,

that's exactly what was driving me crazy in the beginning and started building resentment towards her, it appeared like she was giving me doses of pain through the process and appeared to be  intentionally, but now I realize that she doesn't even know that what she's planning is even going to work, but she is going with her instinct anyways.

You make me understand why this process has the potential to be so destructive.

Thanks to all

I have been reading posts all night.  It keeps my mind busy.  I see so much pain and compassion at the same time in all that I am reading.  There is such a cry for healing.  I want to say a personal thanks to everyone that posts in threads.  Shepherdess, you are a God send.  BasilDuke, your words are so familiar to me I can taste them.
I am reminded often as I read that I made so many mistakes.  But they can not be undone, and in reality they were not the cause.  So I detatch and take control of my own life (try to anyway).  There is truely a peace of mind that comes when you take back control of your own life.

God bless you all and I pray for us all and our mlc spouses.