Does divorce mean no chance of reconcillation?

Me = 41
STBX = 43
S1 = 10 yrs old
S2 = 6 yrs old
M = 11 yrs.

I have been married 11 years and our relationship was looked up on by all of our friends and family as a model for their own marriage.  My stbx father passed away when she was 17 and during this time on her fathers death bed discovered that he has another woman.  Also during this time the doctors mentioned that her kidneys matches her father's, but her mom said that since her father is already dying having this surgery will really not guarantee how long her father would have lived, so needless to say my stbx did not go through this due to her mom's suggestions. (Don't know wether her mom was really concerned about her daughter's kidney or just was bitter in discovering that her father have another woman who visited him during this time.) 
All of our married life my MIL (mother-in-law) have lived with us because she doesn't have any family except for another daughter who has her own family but their home was small to live with them.  My stbx is a dentist back home in the Philippines.  She wanted to practice over here in the US but requirements for being a dentist here is to go through 3 years in school and take 4 parts of board exam to become a dentist here.  At this point of our lives we could not send her to go through that because the courses that she has to take in NYU cost a lot of money.  So I suggested to her that I could support the family if instead of being a dentist that you could take 2 years of Dental Hygienist which would give you also a high paying salary.  She then went to school full time and finished.  Currently she earns $78,000 a year which isn't too shaby considering what we could accomplish between my salary and hers.  In August of 2007 we decided to sell our condo to be able to purchase a house with a backyard.  I told her that we will have to tighten our belts for a year or so and just refinance in order to lower our mortgage.
During this time everything seem to be OK we hardly fought because we always give each others support in any issue that arose.  Being that we haven't really gone to any grand vacations although we have agreed to just wait until we get ourselves adjusted to the expenses of our new home our only form of vacations is going to a trip when there is a long weekend. Our only form of entertainment we have was going to movies, dinner with the kids.  Then some friends have introduced facebook to us where we could connect with our old schoolmates from High School and college.  I was the one that set up our facebook account and started exploring it.  I was never the jelous type because I have been introduced to several male friends of my stbx from the start of our marriage.  To make the long story short in facebook my stbx have found more of her HS friends even some that used to court her.  I did not pay much attention because they were not ex boyfriends.  This past memorial weekend she mentioned that we are going to meet one of her friends that was just in Canada that will visit which she found in Facebook.  So I said OK at least we could show our house. This guy was single.  I wasn't nosey to know when she actually found him in facebook and if they have communications aside from the usuall how's it been type of conversation.  We entertained him through out the memorial day weekend took him around NY and went to nice restaurants.  Next thing I noticed after the memorial day weekend it seems that the comments in the facebook between them seem to become a little on the flitatious side.  So I joined in to make my presence felt also with the exchange of comments.  My birthday was coming up the week after the memorial day weekend and seems that everything to me is still normal, but felt a little jealousy in me so I decided to place a comment in FB saying "It is ok to remember the past with old friends but when you start saying have I known, I could have, or should have then it's like regreting your present".  That day I got a call from my sister in law stating that my stbx doesnt want to go home anymore to our house.  At night my sister in law dragged my stbx at home to discuss what's happening.  And I couldn't say what was bothering her.  I told them that I was feeling a little jealous and my stbx just said so now it's a trust issue. She didn't want me close to her and ask if I could stay away from her for a while.  The next few days both my mother in law and sister in law was convincing my stbx to fix this because we have kids and my stbx just answered "The kids can cope with this."  She spoke to me explained that she doesn't feel any love for me anymore and don't feel that we have to continue to be married.  I ask her if you want time to think about this I will give you time I will go to sleep in my brothers apartment to give you space.  To my suprise my stbx have gotten a lawyer already and asked for advise regarding a divorce (mind you this was very swift and quick).  I came home to ask if we could at least see a MC to fix this, at first she refused but after a week we attended MC but only lasted for 2 sessions because she told the counselor that she really doesn't want to reconcile.  I then have to get my own attorney to know what can I do to protect myself.  I then was advised to go back home to avoid being accused of abandonment.  So I told my stbx that I'm moving back in since you have made up your mind about the divorce and I don't want to be accused of abandoment and risk not seeing my kids.  I agreed to her wishes that I would just be in the basement because she doesn't want to see me at all.  Needless to say I did not experience the verbal abuse that most of the LBS heard because we totally had lived in the same roof without seeing each other except for the discussions about the divorce.  The only thing I can say is that during the time we were in the same house I could still hear some of her activities such as being on her cell phone from 9:00pm to 3:30 am (who she was talking to I don't know) But because there wasnt any specific issues brought up why she had decided on a divorce I couldn't tell you wether she already was in an EA or PA.  I could not afford to hire a private investigator to confirm but in this case everything seems to be lightning fast.  While in the basement she has installed a lock in the door that leads upstairs so I couldn't go up at night and she also was blocking the door with chair to add on to their security. 
She has now moved in a different town her own apartment and I have the house to myself and get the kids every Thursday,Friday, and Saturday and she picks them up on Sunday morning which is in our settlement for the divorce.  We are still finishing up some divorce issues and that is why the divorce isn't final yet but it will be.  The house is being sold as a "short sale" so we will not get anything there and might even have to pay for the closing cost.  In our last four way with our lawyer she admitted that she will file bankruptcy and they wanted to ask if It would be OK that for this upcoming tax season that she would claim both kids first then I would do the same the next filing season.  This is to be able to pass for the bankruptcy court.  The only things that I hear from our common friends are the following reasons why she decided this quickly. a) We were not sexually compatible (first 3 weeks when she was convincing people)  b)  It changed to Husband was only a REBOUND (this reason lasted a month and a half)  to c) She wants to find her happiness she was never happy with our marriage.

Now that I gave you the story here are some questions that I want to ask.

1) The divorce should be official soon, most likely when house get sold, because our story is not like what I read in some of the threads where a husband or a wife was still able to show their love despite being aware of an Affair will the chances of reconcillation be far fetched?

2) I have started living my life as if there wouldn't be any reconcillation would this be something damaging to my stbx if she does come out of her MLC.  (I am not seeing any people just incase you are wondering what I meant about living my life as if there wouldn't be any reconcillation) I do things that interest me such as joining my old band and singing at bars.  Hook up with family and bringing my sons so they could recognize them as family too. 

3) Are there even stories of couples that divorced then finally after the person in MLC comes out of it finally gets back together.  If there is, was it the woman that experience the MLC or the Man.

I know that I would be hearing advise saying to detach, believe me I'm at the point where I don't even care what she's doing or who she's doing it with.  I just want to be able to know if there's really such a thing where the only formula could have been followed to atleast get to the point of them having guilt and remorse.