So, my mistakes are part of an elaborate excuse?

It is called justifications and rational-lies...they rewrite history to make it work for them...to give themselves permission to do what they are going to do. By doing this they negate the morals and ethics that they previously held...they bring down the boundaries that they have set for themselves through the other roles that they have in their lives. 

shepherdess 

Thanks for the reply Shepherdess,

I also sent you a couple of private messages, but I know you're a busy woman so any comments on those will be very appreciated.

Thanks Again,

Yes...I have received them and will respond...the forum has been busy this weekend....plus I am doing final edits on my book.

Shepherdess

Looking back on my experience, which has been going on for allmost 2 years, the first indication of a problem was the re-writing of history. Events changed, outcomes changed and in general everything bad that had happened was my fault.
 
As Sheperdess said, in this phase they are laying the groundwork. It is much easier to walk all over someone when you have vilainized them.
 
This is a very helpless situation, I was second guessing myself constantly during the intial stages, I actually beleived that maybe she was right. My confirmation of this being her problem came when I discussed some of the events in question with people who were there and they confirmed that what she was saying was way off base and had been twisted.
 
 

losthope:  re-writing of history.  Yes when we are in the beginning of this treacherous journey history is re-written.  It is not done purposefully - it is MLC.  You wake up and cannot remember any of the good and positive of your past life.  The emotional attachment to events and memories has vanished or is tainted with negativity. It is a frighteningly cold place to be.  My world as I had known it - was gone - and my place in this new world was without the comfort of emotional memories or emotional attachments.  It feels like an awakening; a recognition of a wasted life; it is a very empty place to be.

Fortunately for me, and my circumstances are SO much different than most who post on this forum, I knew that something was wrong - I did NOT trust this awakening - and I fought back.  With every breath, each day, all day for months I fought back to find the emotional attachments that I KNEW were there - but where the heck were they.  It was, and remains so, the hardest part of my experience with MLC.  Many of those who experience this emotional black out - are stunned, shaken and accept it as reality - they feel awakened, enlightened, terrified and desperate.  Often they remain silent about this phenomenon for months while they struggle to FEEL again; all the while rationalizing why they feel the way they do and why it is REAL.  And they most often self medicate - with OM, shopping, alcohol and drugs, physical fitness, cosmetic surgeries - and NONE of it works - all of it is destructive - but they keep trying.  They do not empathize with their loved ones who are being beaten up emotionally, deceived and tossed aside - you CANNOT empathize when you cannot FEEL.  This is the world according to a MLC.

I have recovered my emotional attachments - and WOW - they are greater and grander than they were before I misplaced them in MLC; one of the many positive outcomes of my MLC was that I saw how my childhood baggage had tainted my world for so many years; so when I recovered them - there was no fog of unresolved issues clouding their brilliance.  It has been one of the most difficult, lonely and spirit jarring experiences in my life.  Although I did not follow the path of self medication and subsequent self destruction - I did experience the emotional void and it IS debilitating. I can relate to why some in MLC choose to self medicate - they THINK it feels better than feeling NOTHING at all.

Just some thoughts to give you some insight -
PEACE

WOW - awsome insight SB1!!! Thank you for sharing that.................I hope you don't mind my re-posting this on my 4060 blog.

Unbelievable,

my wife has been saying she's leaving, I todl her no contact with the OM and for the last two weeks it has been only business talk between me and her, I am pretty much neutral almost indifferent to her, now it seems like I am the one who doesn't love her because of the indifference, WOW! thank God now I know it's her just using everything available to convince herself and the world that she's gone and It is not going to work.
For a moment I was tempted to resume the attentive behavior but something inside tells me this will only pull me back in to her crisis and is not good, so I am staying Put focused on my kids and work that's it.

Thanks everyone

Good catch fred - you have your journey to go on, she has hers......................should they meet, no one knows......................but you have your journey to go on.

It gets better, I thought i was in recon, and now new mistakes are comming up.  I spent too much on a matress, i used my credit card, Im controlling (by setting a boundary, see my post). If I come back to the house things wont change. We're not a real couple.  all kinds of bullcrap.

You know W1, it sounds like she had an ulterior motive to coming back, or perhaps this garbage is just frustration on her part, and dropping it in your lap.

Is the OM out of the picture?? If not, send her back there. This sounds just like the bilge I accepted from my wife after she left the first time, wanted to come back, she set her own boundries (no contact, quit the job they were both at) then came home and refused to follow her own rules, and blamed me for it. Kept up with OM, and out she went again.

It's like a little kid. These are the rules,  (as Basil said, and I told my wife this) you can't be married and live in this house, and have a boyfriend. I can still see the look on my wife's face...like "why not!"

Set the rules, she doesn't like them, won't follow, show her the door

MLBHOME

Worried1, seems like your wife is about to do another MLC end run around you. She's making  disconcerting noises, particularly about your alleged fetish for "controlling" her. Such BS. Don't put up with it. It boggles the brain, how a woman who has made every single one of the horrible, family-busting decisions, can cry about how mean and awful her husband is for trying to control her. I suppose it must be projection of some sort. Blame shifting, maybe. Don't know. But I heard the same crap from my ex that you're hearing from your wife: "Stop trying to control me!!!!" She screamed that at me as I stood in front of my three-room bachelor apartment, after she just pulled up from having a date with her 24-year-old boyfriend. This would have been about a week after SHE filed for divorce against me. And I was the controlling one! Not hardly. She decided to commit adultery; she decided to separate and she decided to divorce me. Now, I ask you: who was controlling whom?  

Interesting Basilduke,

my wife is at the stage where she thinks nobody understands her, everybody points fingers at her without knowing how she feels inside, of course she is feeling bad too but people react to the stupid decisions she is making because everybody else is in their right minds, also she said a couple of weeks ago that she is leaving because of my reaction to the EA with the OM, "you will never forgive me and you've been spying on me that's why I am leaving" of course while she still chats with the OM after a month and a half that I found out. 
I think I am pretty detached at this point, I feel bad for her but I am not going to die without her, she is in trouble but doesn't want any help and she is going down the drain on her own, oh well.....
Another interesting fact, she's called me so many things, looser, she has no future with me, immature, child etc...... and she is leaving her kids with that kind of person?  

It's a good thing that you're detached/detaching, because your wife is still in the middle of the cyclone. All that crap she's throwing at you is standard MLC gibberish. And you're under no obligation to stand there and listen to it.

She inhabits her own planet at the moment - where she's right and anyone who doesn't agree with her 100 percent isn't just wrong, he's bad, too.

Let her go, Fred; her soulmate will dump her butt in a matter of months, and then she'll really self-destruct. I'm not saying your marriage is salvageable, but, with her and her idiotic, highschool girl-level drama gone, at least you'll be on the road to a normal life. 

Basil Duke

P.S. My ex told me several times that she didn't have a single good memory from our 24 years together. Not one! It was ALL horrible, according to her. Totally bonkers. 

Hello, 'guest guest.' Go to "Introductions" and read Girl Next Door's "Just Another Dorothy" thread. In it, she goes into great detail about her situation. You'll probably glean a good deal of useful insight from her posts - as well as answers to your questions above.

Basil Duke

Again Basil is correct in everyway.

I heard all that MLC scripted jargon on many occasions and came here to lament being called names.

It's projection...what she is calling you is what the "good " person in her is shouting to her in her head.

Shep is 100% correct that it's an addiction, get the fix, steamroll everyone in the process, and then just OD on it.

My wife told me on the night I got served papers that she had a "couple" good years in our marriage!.

I asked her, "funny I never heard one complaint, not one".  It's just more rational-lies she telling herself to justify what she is doing.  But it does hurt.

I still think someone should develop a vaccine