Spiralng out of control
I have experienced a lot of loss over the past 8 year, the first being my husband and the most recent is my Mom. I just finished school, but there are no jobs available due to the economy. My oldest daughter is a senior in high school and I swear I was just visiting the colleges I was accepted at many a year ago...it certainly feels that way. My youngest has a pain syndrome and spent a year out of school and is finally returning and doing well considering her pain. I watch the hoarder show on TLC and I wonder if that's were I am headed. I am so blue. I have no energy. I don't want to be with anyone but I muster up the energy to do what I have to do. I feel that I am spiraling and I am tired of everything being crazy all of the time. I just want to stop...no I am not suicidal...it is like a horror film that never ends or a bad amusement park ride...I want it to stop like the movie finishes and the ride pulls into the stop position. I smile when it is expected. I find when I am making phone calls I am extremely abrupt and have no patience. Is this a mid life crisis? A grief book suggests that a child leaving for college on par with a death of a loved one. On one hand, watching my daughter grow and become the wonderful young lady she is and to be about to send her out into world is traumatic as I am sloughing though. Sitting beside my husband of 16 years and being with my mother as they die is truly tragic and traumatic. Somehow though I am finding letting my daughter go off to college harder. Maybe it is because I absolutely had no control over death yet my daughter leaving for college is down right freaking scary. She is heading into the world and living her life outside and beyond my confines. I feel very stuck, out of control and scared. I will continue to smile, and keep mustering up to do the right thing, but I have to admit it hurts.
cacosmom:
I am so glad you came here and posted because what you have described IS Crisis at Mid-Life. I wouldn't say that you are transitioning because you are physically reacting or should say "resisting" all the change that is and has been going on in your life. From what you have described you have dealing with a lot of "change" and this can cause the brain to over compensate...desperately trying to get to a comfort zone without change occurring.
The fact that you have lost two significant members of your family in the past eight years is important. I am sure you and your daughter pulled together and depended upon each other following the passing of your husband. You are correct that dealing with the passing of of loved ones is something that you have no control, but you also have no control over the growing up and independence of your daughter away from your care also. Is is indeed a death of the way it was...it is the giving up of control or being in direct physical proximity of knowing what is going on with your daughter. There will be a grieving time for the loss of the closeness that her living with you afforded. But the wonderful part is that the parting or separation is not forever...you will be seeing her again in this life.
You didn't tell us your age...but would assume that you are either in perio-menopause or menopause, which also plays havoc at this time in our lives as women.
You see....at mid-life everything hits the fan. Our live change and most of the change is out of our control, which our brain naturally resists...we fight against the change but it is a battle that will never win.
We become physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted when life hits us all at once...one thing on top of the other....our coping skills are lost or exhausted, along with our bodies that can no longer physically handle what is coming at us.
I completely relate to your story because you have described the way I have felt for many years...LIFE just keeps on coming and for some reason I physically, mentally and spiritually couldn't keep up....I resisted ALL change...at times I still do, but now I have learned what to do and how to cope with it.
IMHO please start looking at your health first...by going to your doctor. I have written an article here that deals with the many physicians that a woman at Mid-life should go to to get all the answers to eliminate the physical causes to the hurt and pain she may be feeling during this time.
I also highly encourage you to consider therapy and/or coaching/mentoring through this period of change. Guidance and accountability helps dramatically.
If you have faith return to it or seek a mentor or prayer partner that you can gain spiritual strength...or even start praying, meditating and attending services.
I highly reccommend reading Beth Moore's Get Out of That Pit and The Worn Out Woman, with Dr. Christiane Northrup's book The Wisdom of Menopause (even if you are not in menopause yet). Please look through ALL the books at the WINMLC Bookstore there may be a book that may resonate with you. Please read ALL you can here at the Forum, along with the many links that relate to your circumstances that I have posted in the sidebar.
The more knowledge and understanding that you have the stronger and better you will feel, along with focusing in on yourself and taking care of yourself...Be gentle with yourself...it is time for YOU and it IS okay for devote some time to this...this is the season for YOU!
Please keep coming here and asking questions and getting encouragement. Please know that our goal here is to help, guide, encourage and be present for you while you take this journey.
I am so glad that you have found us. I will keep you in my prayers!
Shepherdess
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