Basil Duke Update

My prayers are with you my friend...

I sit in amazement reading your story at times...but then remember that your wife is drinking the MLC Kool-aid...a lot of MLC Kool-aid.  

I am sure your attorney will give you the best advice at this point.  In the end, you may have to loose some $$ just so you cut the strings, so you can finally be released from this Yellow Brick Road Nightmare.

I am praying for you...

Shepherdess

Thanks for the prayers, Shepherdess. Yeah, it looks like I'm going to have to take another one in the back to finally rid myself of this tormented and tormenting woman. It makes me sick and angry, but she's twisted this thing into such a hopeless knot, that I'm helpless. I don't even think she's done this deliberately; there's nothing malicious about it - agonizing though it is. She's just tunnel visioned on one thing: HER. I saw enough of her thought process this weekend to get the reminder I needed on that subject. I'd detached so totally from her that I forgot what I was dealing with. Big mistake, not to be repeated. As a very practical person, I just find it absolutely inexplicable that an intelligent woman (truth be told: a VERY smart girl in her pre-MLC days) could willingly walk this awful and doomed trail. Wow.   

GDAY BASIL DUKE

Sorry 2 hear about ur sitch and yes my x did the same 2 me ask me 2 hand the house over mind u we just finished buildin it april of this yr our "dream home" sayin her and the kids need some stability in there lives now and the house will work 4 them ..

Then under the next breath she told me that i will not receive anything from it no money nothing and just 2 walk away ,, well did i see red , 20 yrs of hard work while she was a stay at home mum and i will not dispute that she was a stay at home mum cause that is hard work to 3 kids , housework , biils to organ , kids emotions,etc etc but as my thread states that i help put her through uni 2 acheive 1 of  her goals ( midwifery ) so she went 2 her lawyer 2 obtain letters of property settlement which i discussed with my lawyers also and that was 2 mths ago and just received a letter the other day stating her lawyers can not contact her for 2 mths now to get this ball rolling and ask me if i had contact with her and know her where abouts WTF excuse me SHEP 4 the language but hey she has push and push 4 the house now its stop ...ALIEN MUST B ON MARS NOW NOT EARTH ....

And received a text from my kids the other day statin they miss me so much and mum is not doin so well money wise and they r strugglin so much and my respones was im so sorry about that i 2 am strugglin money wise and this is such a mess but hey what they want does come at a price doesnt it ... This MLC  does suck in a big way so basil i do understand what u r sayin but hang in there and keep ur chin up but as they say she made her bed she now has to sleep in it and when the going gets tough her young bow will bail ,,, bills 2 pay and no party life what a life at 23 and house cleanin OMG he will love it ( not ) so chinup basil and im prayinn 4 u and me and everyone else in this shit god knows and he will help ....

                                     KEEP SMILIN   MORRY

Basil

Sorry for you sitch, she is in love with an immature punk ass kid that when he finds out that there is work involved more then his everyday job he will RUN FOR THE HILLS.  What a real shame that these women don't WAKE UP sooner then later.  The POS/OM punk probably doen't even know how to start a lawnmower or remove the garbage etc... Reality check....everything we do cost MONEY and if you do not have any OH WELL!  She is in it too far emotionally for NOW..Just WAIT and see, she will come crawling back one day and where will you/WE be?  Sorry Basil not trying to fuel the fire but the more I read about these POS/OM the more pissed off I get at what these women are thinkikng or should I say NOT THINKING!  Don't these POS/OM see that there are single women out there that the should ruin there lives?

Peace my friends

Watch the language guys!!!  there are ways of saying these things without using the outright words...@$$, h3!!, $h!+...you know....you are saying but not saying it.  I require little here, polite speech is one thing I must insist on...it also forces you to think in this manner also...because this doesn't work in your personal situation either...always reacting and venting.  I know at other forums they allow the members to speak as they feel, but I have found that people get caught up in the venting and never move past it...fall in to the rut of anger and bitterness.  I WILL allow it to a point in the Men's category.  Please Set your topic as a "Vent"...this way we will know that you will be venting and to enter the discussion with caution.  

Detaching requires measured speech AND emotion. After venting...practice measured speech and emotion...it will serve you well when up against the MLC Monster. it keeps you out of her pit, maintains your control and strength in the situation...You WIN at MLC.

Shepherdess 

PS Morry: I saw your apology...this is not necessarily directed toward you...just in general.  

Hello, Morry and No Idea.

I guess it's pretty obvious that whatever's rampaging in my wife's head has completely overwhelmed not just her common sense and mother's instinct, but her survival instinct, as well. If given the choice between ceasing a particular action and having financial security or continuing that particular action and going broke and possibly becoming homeless, 99 people out of a hundred would stop the action. My wife is the 100th person, sorry to say. And she's dragging our son into the poor house with her - threatening him with the loss of the only home he's known in the process. Even if I were to agree to her proposal - i.e., walk away from the house without a nickel to show for it - she'll eventually lose it, and sooner than later, too. The money's simply not there, particularly with her debt load. If we try to sell it, it's doubtful that we'd even get what we owe on it. Its appraised value is much higher than what we've still got on the principal, but St. Louis' housing market is very bleak indeed. Throw in our home equity line of credit debt, and we're just that much more out of luck. It's a no win situation - created entirely by my wife. My son and I are being FORCED to endure what will probably be many years of financial hardship because of HER decisions.

This time last year, we were flush with money and looking at a very comfortable next twenty to thirty years.

I used to ask myself "WHY??!!!" But I stopped that several months ago. As Mrs. Shepherdess noted: my ex is drinking a LOT of MLC kool-aid. It's no more complicated than that. And that's as good an answer as I'm going to get.

And on the 'other man' issue, yeah, as a species - they should be chemically castrated and shipped to some coral atoll, given fishing line and some hooks and then left there forever to think about their wretched lives. They are soul-less human swine.

Shepherdess and ALL

Sorry for the language got the best of me  won't happen again

Peace my friends

Figured I'd highlight the latest developments on the Basil front for my pals here on this sanity-saving forum.

I expect to be signing my divorce papers sometime this week, after which we'll have to wait for the judge to approve the terms. When and if he does, I'll be a divorced man. I expect to be very down when that happens. Even though I've reconciled myself to the inevitability of it all, it still depresses me very, very much. As Shepherdess observed recently, this is all so very sad and so very unneccessary. But, the choice was not mine. It was made for me - by a woman in deep crisis. She refused all help - and insisted on throwing herself off the cliff.

I didn't make the jump with her, and neither did our son - who'll be 14 next month. He and I are survivors of a terrible scourge, and we'll be bonded together forever as a result of the last eight months.

Whether my wife will ever have a decent relationship with our boy is impossible to say. He is, at present, done with her. Recently, I talked to him, and reminded him of what a great mother my wife had been to him for most of his life. He thought for a second and replied: "Maybe. But this is like one of those deals where you've been really good friends with someone for 10 years, and then they do something really rotten to you, and you have to dump them, because the thing they did was so bad that it outweighs the 10 years of friendship. That's how I feel about mom. What she did to us makes me want to dump her."

My wife is aware that she's got a serious problem on her hands. I've encouraged her to sit down with the kid and talk honestly and openly about the events of the last year - try to give him some sort of a sincere mea culpa. She claims she will, but she's so embarrassed by this debacle that it's probably not going to happen. Lately, she's been out trolling for new 'friends.' Her helper is a fellow 40-something, perpetually 'in crisis' woman friend from work - one of her original adultery enablers. The thought of them working the St. Louis bar scene like the desperate cougars they are is pathetic. (Wife admitted to me two weeks ago that she and her wretched boy toy are "over." No details, however. Their love affair of the ages lasted about five months, as best I can estimate.)

As I've mentioned before on other threads, my wife looks terrible - pole thin and hollow-eyed. Hair falling out in clumps. Serious intestinal disorders. And she has no money.

But she's single! So it's all good.

I had been casually dating, but recently realized I wasn't ready. For now, I'm focused on my son and me, and will continue to move forward with my new life. I guarantee you, in five years, or sooner, I'll be with somebody great - somebody sane and vibrant and who likes steak. I hope my soon-to-be-ex can find the calm and happiness she craves. However, that subject will no longer be my problem.  

Basil Duke
Moderator

Basil:

I am so sorry that you are at this point...with divorce papers impending and your exW a mere shell of the woman that she once was....BUT....you did right thing by your son and yourself by making yourselves number one and staying out of the line of fire.  Your son will forever respect you for what you have done for him....he will grow-up to be a noble man, just like his father.

I am glad to here that you have decided not to enter in to a relationship or even date just yet  My feelings on this are very strong...rebound relationships only extend the storm....it can be unnecessary and it extends the residual pain and hurt from the original crisis.  Many men who have survived their W's MLC are involuntarily thrown in to their own MLC...the divorce is not the signal of the end...it's only the next chapter or the Second Act .  Start the Second Act with healing and regaining strength...make sure you are ready to open yourself up again to another AND that your son is ready for another person to be in your lives...even if it is briefly.

I am very proud of you...you have come a long way...it has been hard.  Be gentle with yourself in the coming days and weeks.  We are here is if you need. You, your son and even your exW are in my prayers.

Shepherdess

I want to say that it's not always the woman who abandons the family. I worked with a woman who had been married for 18 years, loved her husband, they had 2 teenage boys. She thought everything was great until he dropped the bomb that he was having an affair with a woman who had been married 5 times before. He walked out on his family, and then was shocked to find out that $600/month child support wasn't going to cut it for 2 teenage boys. My friend was so shell shocked that she felt sorry for his financial situation and was going to ask for less in the divorce settlement than she was owed. She changed her mind about that. Not that she was out to cause him financial distress, but teenagers are expensive and she decided to care about them and their needs rather than ex-husband's issues. The ex is now married to the other woman, living in an apartment rather than the beautiful house he shared with his wife. I wonder if they are happy, I wonder if in retrospect it was worth it to him.
Besides that, I want to make the point that there is so much anger directed in this forum towards the other man. I understand that those who have been hurt are very angry, but at some point, you've got to let it go. Why are you more angry at the "soul-less swine" other men, than at your own spouse, who made the decision to walk away? She was the one who was already invested in a marriage and a family and chose to go off with a boy toy, who sounds like he was a lost soul just grasping on to whatever he could find. They both should have done better. There are always going to be temptations, we all choose if we are going to succumb to them or try to be virtuous. I know anger is part of the grieving process and you have a right to go through it, but hanging on to the anger sounds to me like you haven't detached from the emotions of the situation. It also sound toxic. I think you have to find a way to rid yourself of it or it will poison you.

I want to say that it's not always the woman who abandons the family. I worked with a woman who had been married for 18 years, loved her husband, they had 2 teenage boys. She thought everything was great until he dropped the bomb that he was having an affair with a woman who had been married 5 times before. He walked out on his family, and then was shocked to find out that $600/month child support wasn't going to cut it for 2 teenage boys. My friend was so shell shocked that she felt sorry for his financial situation and was going to ask for less in the divorce settlement than she was owed. She changed her mind about that. Not that she was out to cause him financial distress, but teenagers are expensive and she decided to care about them and their needs rather than ex-husband's issues. The ex is now married to the other woman, living in an apartment rather than the beautiful house he shared with his wife. I wonder if they are happy, I wonder if in retrospect it was worth it to him.
-dotsmom

MLC hits both men and women AND it seems to hit in exactly the same way.  I don't think anyone here at Women in MLC is ignoring the fact that this happens to women also...that their husbands are caught up in the tornado of MLC never to return or maybe return after they have learned what they needed to learn. Our primary focus here is when women are in MLC...mainly because in the past ten years the increase of women going in to MLC and abandoning their marriage and family has increased dramatically.  In the past women kept there mid-life crisis quiet...they grinned and tolerated the "The Change", never thinking to walk out...and those that did...well, it was a very well kept family secret, while the woman was ostracized from the family. 

On the other hand, men were looked at as having a mid-life crisis as a Right of Passage...in the media or TV/films the MLC was depicted as the need to run off to a desert island like Tahiti or Hawaii OR the man who ran off with his Receptionist or secretary.  Again, it was viewed as a right of passage for men OR said: "Some men just do those things...get tired of their family and chose to start over with a younger model." 

Many times I respond here at the forum, pointing out that these tactics, opinions or viewpoints can be applied to both women and men that are in MLC.

I don't think this is lost on Basilduke...I do believe he gets that what happened to him happens to women too...but since this forum primarily deals with women our readers here will not see this point of view as much. 

Besides that, I want to make the point that there is so much anger directed in this forum towards the other man. I understand that those who have been hurt are very angry, but at some point, you've got to let it go. Why are you more angry at the "soul-less swine" other men, than at your own spouse, who made the decision to walk away? She was the one who was already invested in a marriage and a family and chose to go off with a boy toy, who sounds like he was a lost soul just grasping on to whatever he could find. They both should have done better. There are always going to be temptations, we all choose if we are going to succumb to them or try to be virtuous. I know anger is part of the grieving process and you have a right to go through it, but hanging on to the anger sounds to me like you haven't detached from the emotions of the situation. It also sound toxic. I think you have to find a way to rid yourself of it or it will poison you.

- Dotsmom

I have to agree there is a lot of toxic verbiage toward the OM here from the men and from me!  The OM or the OW in my opinion is NOT an innocent victim here.  They know that the person is married with children and they continue to entice and support the person who is in the MLC. 

I personally encourage the men and the women to vent their anger here at the forum because it is best to vent it here then to show up at the OM's apartment/house and have the situation turn in to something worse, with the police involved AND a court order against the LBS. Our society has pretty much left a man OR a woman defenseless in these situations..  Many men's first reaction is to go defend what is their's...it is primal and makes sense to many men...to go get his woman back! BUT today men can not do this AND even if the woman does leave there is no way that a man can protect his honor any longer....I refer to the frowned upon dual in the woods.  How many news reports do we have to read about the woman who is shot in the driveway by  her husband because she has left for an OM?  How many news reposts do we have to read about a father who has killed his wife and children because the wife had decided to leave for another man? 

VENT AWAY my dear fellows!!! I would prefer that you unload ALL the toxins here then at your Wayward Wife OR your children.  Take as much time as you want to relieve yourself of this poison...and we will be here to let you know that you aren't letting go.  

Dotsmom:  Have you been reading ALL of Basil's postings?  If you have you would have noticed a softening in the past few weeks towards his ex-wife...I don't think he could completely forgive her or take her back...but there is indeed an understanding...or a compassion toward the place that she put herself.  As for the OM who invaded his home...he has all the reason in the world to hate him at this point...it has only been a year AND only a few weeks since his divorce was final.  From my vantage point and being with Basil most of the way...he IS Letting Go...tiny bits at a time.  I am actually quite proud of his progress....because though he spewed poison here...his taking hold of his son's life and getting it back on track, detaching from her emotional baggage and making his son his number one concern...well, Basil has earned his place in the WINMLC Hall of Noble Men.  As long as his negative feelings at this point are not harming his son...he is doing okay.

I have a question for you...why are you concerned about the anger toward the OM?  Any man of any creditability or honor would NOT tempt a married woman.  The OM is NOT innocent if he continues to encourage a relationship while a woman is married....the same goes for an OW who tempts a man.  They are wrong...it is crossing a boundary.  I believe the anger is justified!  It takes TWO to TANGO....many of these situations would be diffused if the OM/OW was a man of true character.  I don't believe the "Boy Toy" is as innocent as you think...it seems that his history was one of a user...not a "lost boy".

What's up Dotsmom?  Why is Basil's negative comments toward the OM bothering you?  Why do you feel the need to point out that men leave the family also?  

You haven't posted much at all until this one...and it has me worried about where YOU are in journey? Please know that I not attacking you in this post...I am explaining.  I am sensing that something is going on here...or maybe not...set me straight if I need to be.

Shepherdess

Thanks, Shepherdess. I waited a day before responding to Dotsmom's post because it pushed some buttons.

I will never accept the theory of the other man as 'blameless, passive victim." I've had people - always women - question my fury, as though it's the most ridiculous thing they've ever heard of. "He didn't make any vows to you," "If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else," etc. I look at it like this: if my wife offered sex to a man in exchange for him burning my house down, and he did indeed burn it down, I'd be mad enough to seriously hurt that gentleman. Would anyone think of saying, "Well, the arsonist wasn't on the mortgage. Why are you mad at him? He doesn't owe you anything. He was probably just a lost soul, looking for a safe place."

And that's exactly how I perceive my ex-wife's ex-boyfriend: an SOB who destroyed my family, my household and nearly destroyed my life - for sex. Sex. Something he could have gotten from hundreds of thousands of other women in the St. Louis region. Unmarried women. But he chose to enter my house and my wife. To me, this is a no brainer. A 'man' like that deserves a heckuva lot more than he got. My ex's lover is very, very lucky. Not boasting, just telling you the truth. 

Ironically, today - October 4 - is the one-year anniversary of my busting my ex-wife and her boy toy. Twelve months ago today, at 3 a.m., my wife stood with her back to me in our kitchen and told me: "I'm in love with him, and I'm not going to stop pursuing him. I love you but I'm not in love with you." etc. ad nausem. Fifty two swift weeks, and here I sit, in my three bedroom apartment, a divorced man. The ex weighs about 88 pounds and is stone broke. I had to walk away from house without a cent, because she couldn't qualify for enough of a loan to give me any equity. The boy toy dumped her months ago, and is no doubt doing his best to blowtorch another family's life. Our son is only now starting to pull it together - but I had some very troubling months with him. He thinks very poorly of his mom and probably will for the rest of his life. She understands this, finally, and is working to patch together the fabric. But it's going to be tough. She now bitterly regrets telling our son about her wonderful new soulmate (this was shortly after we split, last year), and for denigrating me to him (the son). She feels like an idiot. An immoral idiot. We're talking about my girlfriend and wife of the last 25 years. The mother of my only child.

Was I mad at her? You bet. But, Dotsmom, I owed HER something that I sure as hell didn't owe her flunkie boyfriend. I watched her pass my own flesh and blood from her very body, and then watched her breastfeed the little fellow for the next year. Watched her infuse him with a mother's love and care for the next 13 years - and bust her butt re-establishing a career for herself. Ironically, that very same career brought her into contact with the other man. And the rest is history.

Her ex-boyfriend was a slimeball then, and he's a slimeball now. But my ex? She'll always be the mother of my child, and my partner for a quarter of a century.

I also wondered about Dotsmom's uneasiness at the venom I've been dumping on the ex. Why is this? Is she rationalizing something? 

I don't feel attacked and I am not rationalizing anything, I don't think. I am not having an affair or thinking about walking out of my marriage, but I am suffering some of the effects of MLC and am grateful to have found this forum, because it gives me a lot of food for thought. I admit I have not previously read all the postings of what Basil & MLB have been through, but have read a lot of it this weekend. Wow, what a terrible journey. I sympathize with both of you and your families. If you would get any consolation from knowing some good came of it, reading your stories makes me more resolute to improve my relationship & work through my MLC so that I could never be tempted into an affair with a slimeball. Not that I think I would, but this MLC crap makes me feel temporarily insane at times. I understand the anger, and after reading Basil's reply above, I think I get it why the OM is the recipient of the anger more so than the wife/mother of child. I hope I didn't step on any toes with my post. I didn't mean to imply that the OM or OW is innocent, and I agree, a person of character would not engage in a relationship with a married person. 
Maybe what I am acknowledging is that even when you are in a long term marriage, you can feel very lonely and that your needs are not being met. Maybe in a moment of weakness or insanity you reach out for validation or companionship (or sex) to someone that you have no right to get that from. It doesn't make it right to put your family through hell; it's actually very selfish. A woman who is in MLC needs help; she should get it from a counselor, not by running to another man.
I am sure I contradict myself in my posts, because my brain is full of conflict. I am strong and resolute one day, then feel like an emotional basket case the next. Reading the postings on this forum is definitely having a positive impact on my life; I don't post very often but will if I think I have something worthwhile to say.
Basil, you say: I will never accept the theory of the other man as 'blameless, passive victim." I did not say the OM was blameless or passive. What I said is that they both should have done better. I think I have come off as being judgmental about your anger; I don't want to be judgmental, I do want you to be able to let it go. Maybe Shepherdess is right, a year is much too soon. In reading the recent posts, you do sound like you are getting stronger and moving on with your life. I applaud you for the progress you have made, and keeping your child's welfare as your main goal.
 In the scenario I spoke of above, the man that walked out on his wife of 18 years, the thing that made me most angry was that he walked out on 2 teenage boys. That seemed incredibly selfish to me. Couldn't he have kept it in his pants for another couple of years until the boys were out of the house? My kids are grown, but I have enough sense to know that if I were to break up our family, it would be devastating to them. And they are not teenagers. That is one of the main reasons I keep struggling to keep my marriage going, even though it is pretty tough at times.
Good luck to you, I apologize if I offended you. Didn't mean it that way.

Dotsmom,

I agree with Basil and his feelings on the OM. It's an unwritten rule in the males speicies that you don't pursue, another man's wife, not to mention it is a commandment.

Is my wife blameless in all this. No, not by a long shot. She failed in her vows to me on numerous occassions, but when she felt these "feelings" and that they were effecting her and her view of our marriage she should have come to me and as a married couple investigate it, and take action that may have prevented or lessened this swath of waste she has left behind.

Did she have to "self medicate herself" with an OM, NO! That was a choice. Did this slimeball have to become involved with her, NO, that was his choice. And I have met this man, and he has been in my house at my table, and met my children prior to all this. I treated him with hospitality and respect as I did all my W's aquainteces. And this is what he did!! He did it, and he knew it!! He knew she was in trouble and he took advantage of it. I agree with Basil, I would have loved to tear him apart with my bare hands, but ours is a civilized society, my son tried twice to get at him, and at 6'2" 260# former footballer, OM should be thanking me I stopped him.

The Lord will deal with OM in the Lord's own time, and I have put in a request to the Almighty that OM be inflicted with pancreatic cancer, a slow painful demise.

Dotsmom, I know you are in turmoil. PLEASE use the lessons of our spouses of how NOT to deal with the MLC.

All my prayers to you

MLBHOME

Dotsmom:

Please don't worry about what you said...it is a discussion that needed to be discussed...nothing here is in vain. We all learn from each other....explaining another perspective is exactly what needs to happen at mid-life...for the very reason you stated...that you get confused at times.  ME TOO!!!  Please don't ever think that we ALL aren't going through this thing called maturity...growing older...whatever...it can become confusing, frustrating...ever changing...it is in the acceptance of the changing that we find our peace.  Change IS gonna happen...you can't stop it!

I am so appreciative that you posted ...in fact, I am downright proud of you!  many women would get offended or defensive and refused to ever post again.  Keep asking questions and challenging ideas and opinions...you will gain strength and understanding through it!

Shepherdess

Hello, Dotsmom. This might not make any sense to you, as an outsider (and I don't mean that in a snotty way), but I never harbored violent thoughts toward my ex-wife - not for an instant. Never EVER did I think about harming her. I swear to God that's the truth. But her boyfriend? Ma'am, the thoughts that went through my head about that sleazy freak were about as violent as thoughts can get. I don't feel bad about any of them. To me - then, and now - he was no better than a criminal who broke into my home with the intention of hurting my kid. If that happened, if an intruder entered my apartment this evening, either he or I would be carried out of here on a gurney - dead. Which goes back to my earlier remark about the SOB being very, very lucky.
 
You can't just slap your palms together and divest yourself of that kind of righteous hate. I really and truly don't dwell on the scumbag. But I pray to God we never meet. Because it'll be gurney time if we do. And I have no intention of being the carcass.  

So last night, after over-serving myself at a favorite drinkery, I sent my ex-wife the following text: "For the record, October 4 will forever be the darkest day in my life's calendar - blacker even than July 7. And that's saying a whole heckuva lot." (My father's deathdate is July 7.) I wasn't expecting a response: just felt the need to acknowledge the day's significance in a vokda-fueled, fell-off-the-detachment-wagon kind of way.

This morning at work, the ex emails me this: "I'm sorry I didn't respond to your text last night. It made me so sad and I didn't know what to say. I have been in a bad funk for a while now dwelling on this last year."

A long time ago, Mrs. Shepherdess predicted that my ex would eventually drown in her bad choices. Several other ladies made similar observations. ("She's going to have one heckuva hangover when she finally wakes up from this party," etc.)

She's dog paddling right now, exhausted and trying to keep her head above water. I am sincerely glad that I stopped being such an aggressive ass with her earlier this summer. It's pretty evident that the woman is in a harsh place, emotionally. All those demons that pushed her over the cliff have now gathered around her broken body to pick at it with their tridents and heckle her. I have no interest in contributing to her torment.

I replied to her email by telling her that I'm sorry she's depressed, and that I hope she's still able to see her therapist. But that we can at least both take solace from the fact that our son is doing much better.

I can't really call it "refreshing" or "encouraging," but the fact that she's able to apply some introspection to her terrible decisions is certainly interesting. With the dissolution of our marriage now final, all of her dramatic moves are finished: the workplace flirtation, the affair, the separation and then the divorce itself. There remains nothing else to "do." Except think, it would seem.

gotta watch that over serving! Funny I did the same thing yesterday afternoon on the patio and watched it rain for awhile.

It sounds like the "driving" force behind your wife's action's is slowing, letting her step out of the swamp a little.

I agree that your adding to the demons picking at her serves nothing and no one. You soung somewhat good though

MLBHOME

It has been a difficult day, MLB, but the searing pain in my forehead has nothing to do with my ex's mid-life crisis. It's a pain that comes from drinking through an entire baseball game AND a football game. See, that's one of the benefits of being a bachelor. (I'm not kidding about this.) Since my son was with friends all day and then headed back to my ex-house, I could do whatever I wanted. I was on nobody's clock except my own. I'm still training myself to NOT feel guilty about this. You don't want to overdo it, but it's still liberating to realize that you can talk to anybody you want to and go home when you feel like it. (It also helps when there's a bar a two-minute walk from Bachelor Island.)