My Story

I would bet she did more then "Almost" and from the sounds of it - more then once. And just because you didn't see replies to emails, doesn't mean that there were not replies.

If you have no interest in getting her back - then press on, I don't think anyone here will argue with you.

This is a woman that is on her own program...she has made decisions and is acting on them...AND none of her decisions have you in them.  

She has treated you terribly...more like a boyfriend, not a husband.  The leaving you at a party for three hours thing to then find out she was hanging out with another person...no call...nothing!!!  Well, that is when you should have met her at the door with her stuff in a Hefty bag...telling her that you will not be disrespected in that way and she liked being with that person so much...she could go do just that...

....there is no ALMOST in these things...if she "almost" slept with a man...she probably did everything else but sleep with him.

I hate to sound flippant or cold...but this is a no brainer to me...get to the lawyers and make sure she doesn't take anything more from you...she stole your heart and broke it...she disrespected in front of others...she hasn't been acting married for a long a time.

Move on...find a gal that will be kind and love you the way you deserve...this woman doesn't know how to love anyone but herself.

Shepherdess

Thought I would give an update of my situation.
 
I had not spoken with my W for 4 months when she called me out of the blue and wanted to meet. We met and she told me how she was taking the time to explore her own passions and find out what really drives her, I said good luck. I then had dinner with some mutual friends who explained to me that she is actually dating a "free spirit" 10 years younger than her who lives in a van and trying to convince him to take her travelling with him. She is now officially a cliche.
 
I realised months ago that my wife is not happy with who she is and has defined herself by relationships, not by her own actions or passions. It's the old story, you need to love yourself before your ready to really love someone else.
 
I am still working through some anger issues and each day seems a bit better.
 
As has been posted on this site dozens of times, detachment is the most important step for men in our situation to take. My W has no problem lying to my face and telling me what she thinks I want to hear. I resent being lied to and at the end of the day I gained nothing from our coversation.
 

Thanks for the update. This'll sound crass or trite, but it sounds to me like you're better off without this toxin in your life.

I found myself married to a cliche, too. (We actually got divorce a couple of weeks ago.) It's tough - the toughest thing I've ever experienced. But I'm in a much better place. I still have anger, but thankfully, the blind, obsessive rage toward the other 'man' is for the most part gone. I've left his fate to karma. He's got a massive hammerblow to the groin coming. Hopefully a lot of 'em.

So, your wife's soulmate lives in a van down by the river. We shall refer to this heroic figure as "Matt Foley." Does he give motivational speeches, too? My Lord, some of these stories wouldn't be even remotely believable - if I hadn't lived one myself. But at least he's a free spirit! I'll translate that: he doesn't have a job and smokes a lot of dope.

Another dreamboat!!!

Hang in there!

Basil Duke
Moderator
St. Louis, MO 

Update to the update,

My STBXW came by the house to pick up the remainder of her belongings, quite a bit of stuff. I was on my way to go mountain biking when she arrived a bit early. I was actually really quite shocked by what I saw, her complexion was terrible, lots to red acne like spots on her face, never seen her look like this before and she has put on considerable weight. I actually felt bad for her.

I am pretty proud of how I handled it, all business, no emotion and now I have my house back.

We seem to be on opposite ends of the scale right now. I have used this experience to grow and understand things about myself and as a result I am in the best shape of my life, she has returned to partying and drinking, which seems to be taking a big toll on her appearance.

Thanks

And you sound like you are on the right track. Too often we sit around waiting for our spouses to return from their trip around the milky way - and we miss the most important part of this journey, our opportunity to grow...........................we get comfortable in our lives and we forget that things happen that can radically change the course we thought we were on.

She is over 18 and the law does not prohibit bad choices..............................it is a shame how many turn to drinking and a means of an escape when there are so many resources available to help.

Keep on keeping on LH.

Glad you held up and glad to hear you're getting exercise and doing stuff for you! There does seem to be a common thread to the MLC woman's physical condition. Most seem to waste away, as though stricken by cancer, after they hit "blast off." Sounds like van life doesn't suit your spouse very well, either - albeit she's gone the other way, with the weight gain. Some folks gorge eat when they're depressed or stressed. I wonder if that's what's happening here, or if it's the booze that's swelling her. (Did she ever suffer from acne prior to this trainwreck?)

Speaking of Matt Foley, is he still in the picture?

Stay strong, man.

Basil Duke 

Thanks for the comments guys,
 
As for van man, she would not admit she was dating him, then admitted she was, then said they were just friends, then said she was breaking up with him.... whatever.
 
My ex has allways looked very good and taken care of herself, I was actually startled by her appearance, the spots on her face, double chin etc. you cannot expect to live like your 25 when your 41 and not have some negative results on your appearance.

My ex did the loopy boyfriend relationship rewrite on me, too. Recently, she told me that he had dumped her, but had then wanted her back - and she refused. "And he was really upset by that, too," she added - just so I'd know that the idiot still yearned for her, and that she still possesses the sexual powers of a hot teenaged girl. (She doesn't, of course, having lost 25 pounds off her already slender five foot, six inch frame - but she's still deep in MLC.) She also became very indignant when I made a reference to the fierce love she'd professed for him. (Immediately after I confirmed the affair, the ex would literally get a glazed look in her eyes when she spoke of how passionately and irreversibly she'd given her heart to the college turd.) But it's a far different thing now. "I NEVER loved him!" she barked. I didn't bother to get into it.

Clearly, things didn't work out between the two - and I'd guess that he kicked her to the curb after realizing that sleeping with a middle-aged mother of a very hostile teenager isn't all that fun - especially after the woman has filed for divorce to prove her love to you, and her soon-to-be-ex husband is hunting you like you're a rabid feral hog turned loose in a nursery It's almost amusing to watch her alternately admit that they were a couple AND distance herself from the moron.

Mind you, I said 'almost.'

Basil Duke