Your Health and Your Wife's MLC
This brings me to another subject: your health while dealing with your wife's MLC.
You MUST take care of it! Many of, if not all men at this time, drop weight, which may be good for you...you may have needed to drop a few pounds...but not in the way that you have...through stress and purely being in shock and overwhelm. I know you have lost your appetites and don't feel much like eating...but you need to...at least something. That something needs to be Lo carb/High Protein. Stay away from a lot of sugary things or foods that turn in to sugars after entering your system. Stay hydrated...make sure you are drinking water. Limit your caffeine intake, especially late in the day or evening. Limit your alcohol intake Please do what ever you can do to get a good nights sleep, staying a way from caffeine will help this,along with taking Melatoin tablets or spray under your tongue 30minutes before bed.
As much as, I know you don't feel like it...exercise...take a walk,ride a bike..run/jog...go to the gym...swim some laps...go hit a few golf balls. If you can take your kids with you...all the better. If you can't find the time, then take the stairs, instead of the elevator,park your car further away from the store, so you will walk...think of ways you can move...this will help from allowing the numb feeling to set in.
Another help to keep stress down is...clear clutter in your home, car and office. The more organized you are the better. Clutter is visual noise and only reminds you of how out of balance you might be. Clearing clutter makes room and removes visual stress.
Sound...listen to music that is calming. If you are an avid talk radio fan...limit your listening, along with watching too much TV News...especially if these things get you riled. Watch your favorite movies or TV, but if this reminds you of your W...don't!! Watch something different....or just shut-off the TV all together. I know this might sound silly but the music you hear at Spas are there for a reason...they are supposed to calm you. Look through some of the Brain Sync CD's I have placed in the WINMLC Store...they really do work. (Listen to them with headphones)
Consider learning how to meditate.
Get a thorough check up from your doctor. If your doctor prescribes depression medication, take it for at least four weeks...to see if it really will help you to keep in balance....don't wait till you are falling off the the depression cliff. Depression meds are prescribed for temporary relief...you don't have to stay on them if they don't help after a certain period of time. If you can handle this without the meds and by eating well, exercise and meditation...then go the holistic way...it is a good way to live anyways and less chance of negative side effects.
Your health is the key to your strength and ability to meet the ups and downs of this storm...and most of all getting through this in one piece...being able to be there for your children. If you can't do this for yourself...do it for them!
Shepherdess
I weighed 164 about four months ago, I now am at 136. I have dieted a bit, and I have taken up walking to burn off my frustrations, and have started some light exercise. The reality is that my shock of how my w left me, due to what I believe is a MLC, sent me to a place that I never thought I would go to and I just started to lose weight quickly.
I needed to lose some weight, but I just never thought I would go down that much.
jball:
The fact that you have dropped a lot of weight quickly since your W left is not that unusual. Many of the men say that they lose their appetites, eat poorly or don't eat at all after their W's dropped ILYBINILWY statement or start making plans to leave or just walk out. It is part of the grieving process, plus the shock you are in.
It is good to hear that you are excercising/walking to eliminate stress. Make sure when you do eat that you are eatiing healthy..LoCarb/High Protein. South Beach is a good heart health diet to be on.
If you do think that you have dropped weight too quickly, going to the doctor to get a check-up wouldn't be a bad idea...just to make sure you are okay. You need your health and your strength to get through the changes and the stress that is occurring in your life.
Be very careful if you choose to drink. Many men try to escape the pain by drinking. I can understand this to a point, but sometimes drinking can cause more trouble than it is worth. Limit your drinking...especially if you aren't eating like you normally do. Just be careful...I have heard some real horror stories of things that have happened when a man has tied one on. Remember you are stressed and in shock...alcohol will not solve your problems.
Please come back and tell us your story...we are glad that you have found us.
Shepherdess
I got home on Thursday after being away from my kids for 3 weeks due to business. Took my son and daughter to counseling and they both unloaded about how life with mom has really been. My son had been swing the counselor alone and made out everything has been fine. My wife also put a good show on lead the counselor to beleive the same. Well the truth has finally begun to emerge. Thank god!! She had the nerve to call the therapist and tell her that my lawyer dropped me because I did not pay her. The truth is I fired my lawyer due to incompetence and withdrew my divorce. I only filed to keep her from moving my kids and that did not work. She was fuming and said she would spend whatever it costs to divorce me. Pretty funny when her friend is paying her legal fees. We will see just how much she wants to spend!!!
Valentines was my 21 anniversary. Spent the day with the kids. Dinner and a movie. Wow, what a day without the woman you love. After 7 months I still really miss her. I keep telling myself she is not the same person and to be honest I don't know who she is anymore. She has not talked to my 8 year old son or my daughter since Thursday when she dropped them off at school. At her friends beach house for the weekend. How could a mother go 4 days without talking to her children?? Goes to show you that they feel nothing.
I weighed 265 with a 38 waist when my wife left, now a trim 219 34 waist. I really dont get alot of sleep but my energy level is high and I feel great when I'm not too stressed out. I've started councelling to help me better accept what is happening and help me stay a little calmer when trying to deal with my wife. Yes I have day's like all the rest when she pushes the right buttons and I vent off on her but I hope to get this under control.
Use the forum to vent or get another's perspective...venting on her only makes the situation worse...in fact if she is building a case or rewriting your history for others that states that you were controlling and a bully toward her...directing all the blame at you...your venting on her proves this fact, in the present....though it is a perfectly reasonable reaction in this case....BUT...others do not know this...remember every thing she is saying is taken out of context...it is not objective...it is subjective. It WILL be used against you in some way or another....even if it is a half truth or perfectly reasonable in your present state and circumstances...NO ONE ELSE knows this though...they will believe what they hear AND she will pick her friends and alliances accordingly. Going to MC couseling or using the same IC can be a good idea, as the therapists get both sides of the story and can better help the both of you...they will also be able to see the problem and where or with whom the problem lies.
Losing a few pounds never hurts...but in this way...if you are not eating out of stress and worry...make sure you are eating healthy when you are eating. DO NOT excessively drink...this will make things worse not better. High protein/low carb diet is the best...use exercise to escape insteadof alcohol. It will clear your mind, release the tension and build up the muscle. Approach weight loss and exercise from a positive in your life right now....maybe the only positive...in the end YOU will look great, feel great and it says something to wife...that life goes on whether she is in MLC or not....YOU will end up looking great hopefuly for her...if not her for everyone else that is in your life or will be in your life down the road.
Keep an out...for Women in MLC New Coaching and Consulting services from AWE-A Woman of Elegance ( For Both Men and Women) Men's program called Men of Nobility.
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