Recommended Books
The following books are recommended by me or others here at the forum. Most are linked to Amazon for easy purchase. Please know that by purchasing these books through these links you are helping me support my work here at this forum and will eventually allow me to provide you more through webinars, podcasts and Expert Conference Calls. So, please when ever you can use these links, as WIMLC receive a small portion of the sale.
Book rating system - One to five stars...One- Do not bother reading to Five - Highly Recommended!! Please feel free to add your own comments or add books and links that have helped you.
Links here in this post are temporaily not working, please go to the sidebar to the Women in MLC Bookstore to find the Amazon links. Thank you for supporting this forum by purchasing through these links.
The Walk Out Woman by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray*****
Proably the best book for women who are struggling with the question of whether or not they should leave their marriage. This is an excellent book for both husband and wife to read. From the back cover: "Before you think of Walkng Out - Every woman longs to be appreciated, valued and cared for. Whenthese needs go unmet, she may be tempted to leave the husband she onced loved - but walking out is seldom the path to happiness. Like trusted friends, Dr. Srve Stephaens and Alice Grey offer wise and gentle advice to restore hopr to your marriage. You'll discover proven methods for how you can move toward each other rather than away, build up instead of tear down, and find love rather than lose it."
"Relationship Rescue: A Seven Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner" by Dr. Phil McGraw -
You either love Dr.Phil or can't stand his approach...But he has a get down to business, no BS approach to problems...This book has tests and exercises you can implement while your and your partner are trying to get the marriage on track...some may think it is simplistic...but this book is an excellent tool to focus in on your problems and start working on them. I also purchased the workbook, which is an excellent companion, if you like having them. Prior to my MLC, my H and I did some of the exercises...they did help but both partners need to be working together when using this one. Actually, any book by Dr. Phil is a good starter text. His book on self...the title escapes me at this time is wonderful for working on focusing in on yourself.*****
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger - Again you either love Dr. Laura or you hate her approach....a no holds barred approach...she tells it like it is! This is an excellent book for those women who are trying to understand their H's. Much of the book is taken from real life scenarios she has dealt with in her practice and on her radio show. Ladies: You may disagree with some of what she says because it will go against some of the very things you are rebelling against in your MLC...but they need to be considered when trying to reconnect with your H's. You cannot feed someone, unless you know what the like or want...****
"The Four Seasons of Marriage: Which Season of Marriage Are You In?" by Gary Chapman - An excellent book to get a perspective on the changes that occur in marriage and the inevitability of these changes. Gary Chapman is a Christian author who is well known for his relationship books ("The Five Love Languages"). He also is the host of the popular radio show Growing a Marriage and is highly supported by Focus on the Family. Read the "The Five Love Languages" also... *****
These books have been on the market for awhile..but do not lose their importance...remember MLC in women is pretty much a new phenomena as such...there is very few books even now that even refer to this in this manner...MLC in women is referred to as second adulthood or midlife transitions as related to periomenopause or menopause, which those who are caught in the tornado of MLC will tell you isn't the only factor to consider....it can play a role...but there is much more going on.
None of these books are about MLC, but are about relationships.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Great book. Not very appropriate during the MLC, but definitely a book anyone dating, or 5 years into marriage should read. It believe it will be quite helpful, once a couple starts to attempt to reconcile.
You just don't Understand by Debra Tannebaum (?SP)
This is a book about woman and communication. It talks at length about the whole "connectedness" that women seek out. The book has been out a long time, but it had some useful things in it for me.
Men are from Mars, Women from Venus by John Gray
Good text. It's a book about differences between men and women. It is in many ways eye opening, to see how different we communicate.
Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner Davis
Great book. This one helped me a lot. It's the book that got me to start doing for myself, while my W was heading down the path she is on. The drawback in this book, is that there is one chapter on MLC and it is written about a Man going through one, not a woman... I think we all have heard of the stereotypical man getting the shiny red car, or the young girl... The book talked a lot about the problems in relationships, and things you could do to fix them... Unfortunately, other than giving them space, and working on yourself, the other things don't seem to work if your spouse is in MLC ... You need to wait till they start coming out of the tunnel... Or at least, that is my experience thus far (not that I have put everything to use yet).
The Female Brain Dr. Louann Brizendine
As swede says, this book gives you insight into some of the whys behind, how the woman may feel one way at one point, and then a different way at another point. Intellectually, a great read. Has nothing directly to do with MLC, although it does mention in a few spots about instances where W all of a sudden disliked their husbands. I think this is a good read, for any young man, to learn (especially since the Womans body is designed to get pregnant), - or - in general any guy to realize how complex the female really is. I think Woman, would get a lot out of it, just from the standpoint that maybe that it would help them more appropriately understand where some of these feelings come from.
The Worn Out Woman : When Life is Full and Your Spirt is empty... Dr. Steve Stephens
The Walk-Out Woman : When Your Heart is Empty and Your Dreams Are Lost
Dr. Steve Stephens, Alice Gray
About affairs:
NOT "Just Friends" : Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
Shirley Glass, Jean Coppock Staeheli
The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity
Abel E. Ortega
For the Ladies:(Guys...may be of interest to you also...but these are primarily for the women)
Keeping a Princess Heart: In a Not-So-Princess World by Nicole Johnson ***** (Christian perspective)
Captivating: Unveiling The Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Staci Elderedge (For the guys: "Wild at Heart")*****(Christian perspective)
painting the Walls red:the Uninhibited Woman's Guide to a Fabulous Life After 40 by Judy Ford***
Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life by Gail Sheehy***** (secular perspective)
Inventing The Rest Of Our Lives: Women In Second Adulthood by Suzanne Braun Levine***
The Breaking Point: How Today's Women Are Navigating Midlife Crisis by Sue Shellenbarger****
All of the above are excellent books, but most do not go into depth about the depression or pit that you will find yourself in prior to being able to move on into the second adulthood with gusto...they do not spend much time dealing with A's...but do touch on the subject, especially Sheehy's book, which sort of views the OM as a positive passage that women take to transition from one season of your life into another...she doesn't discuss how this is destructive or unproductive behavior...not a book for a women who are involved with an OM...it could be used as justification. Shellenberger breaks down different types of women going through MLC into categories: The Lover, The Leader, The Adventurer, The Artist, The Gardener, The Seeker....I believe we are all of these when we hit this point, it is just what one is more dominate. This book may be an excellent for the men to see where their W's are falling on the MLC scale...and to understand the different types of MLC there is for women.
The Meaning of Wife: A provocative look at women and marriage in the twenty-first century by Anne Kingston. (A cultural study)
You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective
by Richard Carlson
Book Description
Many people believe they will be happy only when they solve their problems, improve their relationships, and achieve success. In this elegant gift edition, Richard Carlson shows that they can be happy now - no matter what the situation. His plan is based on the five principles of Thought, Mood, Separate Realities, Feelings, and the Present Moment, and will help readers discover how to focus on everyday joy and inner contentment.
Now You're Speaking My Language: Honest Communication and Deeper Intimacy for a Stronger Marriage by Gary Chapman
You can't go wrong with Gary Chapman...top authority on communication in relationships.
every woman's battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Etheridge -
A MUST read for the ladies...the guys would get a lot from this one also. This series of books has complimentary books for young women and marriages also.
Race You to the Fountain of Youth: I'm Not Dead Yet (But parts of me are going fast) Laughing Your Way through Midlife by Martha Bolton and Brad Dickson
A humorous look at the common changes that occur at mid-life for men and women. Written by two comedy writers.
Interesting links about extramarital affairs:
www.affairrecovery.com
www.dating-advice-coach.info/CheatingandInfidelity
www.beyondaffairs.com
www.truthaboutdeception.com
www.womensinfidelity.com
www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
www.savingmymarriage.com
www.keepyourmarriage.com
Interesting links about MLC:
www.patg.com
www.hiqnewsmegafoundation.org
And on detaching:
www.coping.org/control/detach.html
www.emofree.com
